i am someone who…

1. keeps quiet when i am angry unless
   • i am picking someone for a quarrel
   • i think you will comprehend what i say
2. i will hold my comments if
   • i think you are not in the clear state of mind to understand what i am going to tell you
   • if you think that you are so damn right
   • if you are so damn firm on your justifications
3. and if i ever open my mouth, i’d cry
4. and when i cry, it becomes uncontrollable that i pinch myself to stop
5. didnt have a very good childhood. living in fear or being whacked or scolded is a norm when i was young. so when tension rises, i get a little scared. even now if my ______ comes near me or i hear the slippers coming from afar, i still have the very scared feeling. anyways, its not like he have anything  nice to say to me.
6. gets angry and gets over it after complaining to god knows how many people.
7. will always tell someone close a secret. unless its really, a secret. lol. (crap talk)

of course, i guess i was just being emotional. but the tension was high. i mean, each of us has a right to be angry. and i dont blame anyone. i just felt that… nvm. it takes 2 hands to clap. overwrite, accumulations, tensions… just that i guess we’re all under tons of stress but everyone’s managing it and i think it isnt nice of you to blast it out on all of us. we have feelings too and while we’re being paid by you, we have some pride and dignity. while we have our own thoughts and some of us might not voice out/show as well as you do, i guess we need to have a little mutual respect around here. i can safely tell you, if its the other 2 pampered staff of yours that is in the fault, i can guarantee you will not be as angry. your biasness is very obvious. perhaps you walk around but i think we still see as much things as you do. while you think you are right, we have our own points too. you’re the weather planner for the weeks to come. please, give us the face and morale.

i’ve mastered a skill and it’s called the “orh” skill. everything you say, i will try not to retalliate. i will just say orh. or okay. it if so pleases you just to keep everything neutral.

the ccream on the cake… was droopy and it was a mess trying to clear it up. you were bursting in anger and you came in to my class and kinda blast. look, i have 14 kids then to myself with 2 teachers. i am clearing the cream while the other is trying to assist me. it was really a mess on the cake table and i didnt wanna waste too much time on it. so, i left the tcher’s cream intact. i normally scrape the cream off and this time it was really too messy! not like i had additional help like other people did. please, ask WHY before you jump into conclusions. it eats into my meat and i’m beginning to think you’re unreasonable!

my kids, for me, i understand whats the problem there. you’re someone from the outside looking at the ugly things in the beautiful world. where as i, look for beautiful things in an ugly world. the view seems much better like this and please, again, ask WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY instead of jumping unto my kids! you dont seem to be giving the benefit of doubt to my kids and respect to me. if you are picking on me recently, come to my face and tell me about it. you dont have to go through great indirect pain through my kids! obviously, O left the toy lying around and A is someone who dont ask and waits next to you for the piece that he wants. and if anybody lets go, A quickly snatches it away and to O, everything left there doesnt mean he don want it. just that he left it there so he could use it after he fix something else! and when he turns around, he see that piece missing, he obviously snatches it from A. instead of telling O to take other pieces, why not tell A to go get it? perhaps it was my fault being away from them while they were playing. thats because if i ever go near them, they would bring everything to me to play with them which i feel, hinders their imagination. especially so if the toy is new. i just want them to explore. why do you fail to see this point? gosh. stop jumping in like that. it demoralises!

while everybody has their own problems, not everyone whines and is as loud as CERTAIN people. some of us prefer to keep quiet and carry on. and from what we see, whining helps! so, are we then suppose to god-damn-it whine to every small problem we have at home? manage what you handle and make the best out of it, you may be stressed but ultimately, people might try to help but please, we’re not running a charity here! there’s so much we can help and there’s so much we can do. if you dont help yourself, we cant help you too. maybe we have difference personalities. poise under pressure!

RAH.

anyways, i spent $319 on finally getting the Canon E1. heh.

i am done complaining. the above post is up to your imagination. you may ask me for clarifiation but i may not adhere.

good bye.